11 September 2012

garden of your mind

I loved Mr. Rogers when I was a kid. Deeply loved him, like he was a family member. I had a recurring dream that lasted from when I was very young well into adulthood (though I think I may have left it behind in my twenties, which is a shame) that involved me crawling through the trolley tunnel into the Neighbourhood of Make Believe. That was the frame of the dream and while the frame was always the same, the dream itself would change--sometimes it would be scary (a few times I was trapped in Lady Elaine's Museum--terrifying!), sometimes it would be fun. For over two decades I had this dream. I miss it.

When Fred Rogers died, I cried. I don't cry when celebrities die and I usually don't get sad, but when Mr. Rogers died I bawled. Even writing this is bringing tears to my eyes. He was more than a famous person, someone who I thought I knew but didn't because of his celebrity. I loved him and I believed he loved me.

So the other night, when I was nursing my youngest before bed, I stumbled upon the video below on Lynda Barry's tumblr site. I watched it three times in a row and couldn't wait to show it to my boys. Should I admit that I still miss Mr. Rogers? I guess I just did.


saleema said...

I've seen this video before, and it's always somehow both funny and moving.

I loved Mr. Rogers, though I was always a little afraid of his puppets. I liked his kind eyes, and the way he changed his sweaters.

I wonder why you stopped having the dream..?

m said...

I wish I knew why I stopped. It may have been because I talked about the dream, or that I 'finished' it, completed whatever it was I needed to do? I had another recurring dream as a kid that was more a nightmare. When I finally got through the scary part without waking, that was the last time I had the dream.

I loved his cardigans and always thought it strange that he wore sneakers in the house. But his eyes were so kind. Ah, I loved him.