What She Said: Mary McNamara

"So here's the answer: It's very difficult. But so is losing 30 pounds or learning French or growing your own vegetables or training for a marathon or any of the many other things working parents often manage to pull off. While it's tempting to keep the idea of writing wrapped up in a glittery gauze of muse-directed creativity, it's just another sort of work, one that requires dedication, commitment, time and the necessary tools."

Found via bookninja, Mary McNamara's list to help literary mamas write that novel at the LA Times.

What She Said: Kathleen Winter

"Women's timelines...they're different from men's timelines. Still."

On one of the reasons why she didn't write for ten years, from this interview on CBC's The Next Chapter.

Taking the Wives to Toronto

As many of you know, I've been working on a poetry manuscript about the polygamous wives of Joseph Smith. I think I'm done. At least, as done as I can be before working with an editor. I've been writing it for almost the entire life of my eldest son and am pleased to be seeing the end of this phase of the project. I've had some of the poems published in literary magazines (thank you, Room, CV2, Wonk*, Event), a forthcoming anthology, and as a beautiful chapbook. None of the poems are online yet, otherwise I would share links.

But I'm not quite ready to say good-bye to my wives yet. This weekend, I'll be part of Lab Cab, a multi-dis festival in Toronto. I have created installations for six poems that include sound and interactive art/ifacts. I'm both thrilled and terrified. This is a new experience on so many levels and I hope it will speak to someone out there. I'm excited about taking my poetry beyond the page and hope this might be the beginning of something larger.

But before I fly to Toronto, I'll be taking in my husband's newest play, Tear the Curtain. If you are in Vancouver, I strongly urge you to check it out. I've been lucky enough to have seen some of the footage as well as having read an earlier draft. There is a strong buzz about this play and I really believe it is warranted. Check out the trailer below and wish me luck in Toronto!



*p.s. A few months ago, I did an interview with the fine folks at Wonk. You can check it out here.

finding the path

I'm writing this from the Wallace Stegner House. I had never been to Saskatchewan before, despite my husband's strong connection to the province, and I feel very lucky to have had this opportunity. I was supposed to have been here for just over three weeks, but we left as a family part-way through for a few days and returned. Then the boys left and I've been here alone for nine days. They will arrive tonight and then we leave on Saturday. Today was my last full writing day for a while.

It has been difficult being away from the boys. When I was in Banff last May, I was surrounded by peers, so if I was sad or feeling sorry for myself, I'd leave my room and force a hug on someone or share a pitcher while bemoaning the Canucks. In Banff I was lonely, but here I've been alone. For the first time I was given a glimpse of what old age might be like. Your spouse is gone, your children live far away, and you have no more friends left. It's terrible.

The people of Eastend have been lovely, especially Ethel, the amazing woman who runs the residency program (and who is also great a catching bats!). I know there are great people and experiences everywhere and that's one of the bonuses of doing a residency. But I've decided that I won't be doing one like this for some time, not when the boys are so young. All I need is a room with door and a desk. I don't need to be in another city or province, at least not right now. If I go anywhere for an extended time, it will be with my family.

The writing, however, has been great. I think I may have finally finished the final poem in my new manuscript of poetry and I have been working on a novel. It's a novel I started before I becoming a mother, but abandoned soon after I found out I was pregnant with my first child. After the foggy years in the trenches of early motherhood, I now feel like I can go back to it, but of course I'm a very different person now than I was then. It's changed completely. Some of the characters are the same, some of the themes and settings are the same, but everything else is different. Even since I've returned to it, I've had to strip it back and restart three times. Like I told my friend Laisha, I've written over 50,000 words in the last few months, but I still haven't got past 17,000 in a draft. I'm there now and I think (knock on wood) that I have finally found the story. It feels good to know that I'm on the right path.

The Price of Me

I have a terrible habit of keeping FB open on my computer all day. I check it much too often when I have a down moment from the slog of trying to keep house and mother two young boys. I know I should turn the effing thing off and either spend those moments between laundry, cooking, dishes, diapers, refereeing and be with the boys. It's why I gave up my other "mommyblog" [gag]. And when I don't use that time with them, I should have my computer open to Word and use that time to write. Even if it's just a line, I really need to grab what time I can get.

That said, yesterday a friend posted on FB a link to an article which was based on this post which is a top ten list of things that aren’t as cheap as you think. If you don't have time to read it, scroll down to the number one item. It was both surprising to me and not. I think anyone who has spent anytime as a primary caregiver will pipe up with a 'hells ya'. It's hard, undervalued work and I find it interesting that in the statistics he used, if this work were paid, it would have been half of the world's output in 1995. Again, not that surprising. What did bristle me, however, was the label he used: women's work. The feminist in me raged telepathically to him. I'm not going to try to recreate it; I'm sure you can come up with your own. Here's a good place to start: women + work ≠ 'women's work'.

Ugh.

I go through waves of blog reading and my reading list has changed dramatically since I first discovered ye olde blogworlde. When my first son was a newborn I devoured many, many mommyblogs. I think they were my stories. Now, I only follow a few and none of them are just about parenting anymore. I grew bored of irony and cynicism or conversely the rainbows and unicorns of others' daily lives. Eventually I discovered lit blogs, specifically Canadian lit blogs. I try to keep up, but I don't. I'm always behind and gap out and consequently don't understand the private jabs and public politics. I've started reading them a little less, too. However, I recently followed links to find some new(ish)-to-me blogs that feel like home. Canadian writing mothers who aren't afraid to write about writing or babies or birthdays or books. I've mostly been lurking, but they are great. They feel like home. Have I finally found my online tribe?: Pickle Me This, Meli-Melo, and Obscure Can Lit Mama.

In my previous post, I wrote about the auction to which I had donated my poetry. The auction is now over and I'm thrilled to report that my four-pack went for a whopping $120! I still can't believe it. I had honestly thought that I'd have to get my husband to bid for it. And to top it off, it's going to someone I don't know.

Poetry for Haiti

When I first heard about the earthquake in Haiti, I did what many of you did--donated money to a relief organization. (I actually donated to three because I couldn't choose: Doctors Without Borders, Unicef, and Care. They each do such important, yet different work. I really couldn't decide.) I wanted to give more, do more, but I didn't know how.

Then I heard from Kate of sweet|salty that she and René of fruity fantastica were gathering donations for To Haiti with Love, an auction whose proceeds would go to Broken Wings which runs homes for Haitian disabled youth. I jumped at the chance to be able to give a little bit more and put together a Poetry Four-Pack which includes my book, my chapbook and two limited edition broadsheets. You can see my listing here

There are a lot of very fine things up for grabs from things for babies to things to eat to theatre tickets in Vancouver to a ski getaway in Telluride. It's pretty phenomenal. The auction closes on Monday, February 8 at midnight EST. I know more goods are being added until Thursday afternoon, so do check back.

Interview: Annabel Lyon

Your back of the book bio:

Annabel Lyon is the author of Oxygen (stories), The Best Thing For You (novellas), All-Season Edie (juvenile novel), and The Golden Mean (novel). She teaches fiction writing on-line through UBC's creative writing department.

Your playground bio:

Mother of Sophie, four, and Caleb, two. Sophie says Daddy is the king, she is the queen, Caleb is the prince, and Mummy is the cleaner.

Do you identify yourself as first a writer and then a mother, the other way around, or something else? Why do you think this is?

Mother. My kids are worth more to me than my work.

Did you always want to be a writer? A mother? How does the reality differ from the fantasy?

Both, I think. Both are harder than I ever thought they'd be.

What are your measurements of success as a mother? As a writer? Have these evolved and, if so, can you talk about in what way and why do you think this is?

I really, really want the kids to turn out happy and kind. That hasn't changed since before I got pregnant; what I didn't realize was how hard it would be for me to stay happy and kind as a mother. That was a hugely distressing realization. I want each book to be a bit better than the last, and I don't want to repeat myself. I don't think that's changed.

What's your writing schedule like? What was its journey to get to where it is now?

My writing schedule is still pretty haphazard; I'm hoping it will settle down as the kids get older and start school. I write in the afternoons once my partner is up (he works nights), an hour or two, until he leaves for work. I usually have one day a week that's a bit longer than that. Into that time I also have to fit e-mail, showering, cooking, etc., so it's not a lot of creative time. I used to work completely alone, in absolute silence, six to eight hours a day. It's been an adjustment.

Has becoming a mother changed how you write? What your write? If so, in what ways?

I think my teaching has changed as a result of becoming a mother, more than my writing has. I've become much more patient and generous with my students.

How aware are your children of your writing?

Not very; they're little, still. Sophie knows mummy works on the computer and writes books, but not the kind of books she likes, so her interest is pretty limited. She doesn't like it when my work takes me out of the house without her.

Virginia Woolf famously wrote, "…a woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write…." She never had children. Is a room to yourself enough for a writing-mama? What do you need?

I need to know the kids are happy and settled and not needing me. I need enough sleep. I need tea.

If you could go back, what would you tell your pre-children self?

It'll be okay.

What do you think your pre-children self would tell you?

You need to start running again.

In terms of this topic (motherhood and writing), do you have any regrets? Guilt? Envy?

I yell too much, especially when work is frustrating me. Big, big guilt there. I hate myself for that.

The early years of motherhood have been described by various writers as a haze or as an incredibly creative time. How would you describe it? Are you still in it? When did you leave?

It was both, especially after my son was born, when I went through a pretty bad post-partum depression. Having the novel to turn to helped me through it; so did having fantastic family around me. Sleep deprivation was a major contributing factor, I think; there's a reason why it's used as a torture technique. It really does turn your brain to pudding. I think I'm just coming out of that time: novel finished, kids sleeping through the night, the sun breaking through most days.

Birthing a book is like birthing a baby. Way off or right on?

Way off. There's just no coherent parallel for me.

I wanted to do this project because I found so few satisfying examples of the writing-mother. It was either the mythology of Alice Munro writing while her children played at her feet, the writer who resented and neglected her children because she was so consumed with her art, or someone like Sylvia Plath who ended up with her head in the oven. Which writing-mothers do you admire and why?

All the ones I know: Anne Michaels,Caroline Adderson, Zsuzsi Gartner, Marina Endicott, Anakana Schofield, Laisha Rosnau, Sara O'Leary, Anne Fleming, Linda Svendsen, yourself.... It's so tough to do both, and so hard to talk about why it's so tough. Both writing and motherhood come with the built-in potential for anxiety and depression, so when you do both it's a double-whammy, isn't it? I have the greatest respect and admiration for all writing mothers, published or unpublished. They're all hugely brave.